My guest is health researcher and longevity advocate Matt Cook, editor of Daily Medical Discoveries. Last time, Matt shared how we can live to be 120. Today, he’s back to talk about connection, vibrant health, and lasting intimacy — without dating apps.
We explore how physical health, chemistry, and sexual vitality can flourish well into our later years, and why dating apps might be standing in the way of real, lasting love for you. Our conversation blends medical insight with human connection, offering a different vision for long-term partnerships and a fulfilling life.
About the Host
Daniel Stih (danielstih.com) is an aerospace engineer, software engineer, indoor environmental consultant, and author of 12 books. For more than 30 years, he has investigated complex problems spanning engineering, technology, the built environment, and human decision-making. His work explores how evidence, assumptions, and systems shape the conclusions we draw—and whether we're solving the right problem. Learn more about his approach in Why I Think This Way.
Show Notes
Links for Matt Cook:
https://mattcook.substack.com/
https://www.youtube.com/@RealMattCook
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Transcript
My guest today is Matt Cook.
Matt was previously on my show to talk about health and how to live to be 120.
He's the editor of Daily Medical Discoveries.
Medical Discoveries, he says, are being covered up and ignored.
Today, I'm having him back to talk about Partners for Life, a service in which he's helped 80,000 men, women, and couples as a health and sex researcher.
His focus is on helping people get together without dating apps, to live a healthy and happy life that includes sex to the age of 120.
Matt has been married for decades and has two adult children.
Welcome to my show, Matt.
Thank you so much.
So glad to be back.
So having said that, with the focus on meeting a partner for life and not just for a one-night stand, whether you're a man or a woman, what's the worst relationship advice you hear on social media?
And the one thing you'd like people to know more than anything?
Yeah.
Well, I think using dating apps is pretty bad for men.
I think it's bad advice.
If you're young and you're good looking, you could use dating apps if you're male.
If you're a woman, you can always use dating apps if you want.
But for men, dating apps are very bad advice because they end up leading men into a cycle of sort of despair, where they send all these messages and all these swine, and nothing, nobody responds.
It's horrible for them.
Horrible.
Rejection is horrible.
And then all the things like social media, especially chasing after the short-form videos, like on TikTok or YouTube shorts, all those activities are sort of addictive.
And then they kind of take the place of going out and meeting women and trying to meet women and having all those experiences.
I actually don't do that.
And I agree, getting apps are bad.
So I'm not on one.
What are the TikTok?
That's where you post what you're doing in your life.
I'm talking about looking at videos of pretty girls dancing and all stuff like that.
TikTok, people will spend all this time chasing videos and it changes their structure of their brain.
The brain is very neural plastic.
And as you pursue these, your attention span diminishes and it takes the place of the sort of slow interactions you have with a real woman.
I mean, you don't need to go out and dance then, because you just watch some pretty girls dance for an hour on your phone.
I mean, most of the guys, a lot of guys have never been dancing.
And in fact, that's interesting you mentioned it.
My advice always is to counteract the bad advice.
A lot of guys are sitting at home on their phones and they have a lonely life.
And my recommendation is always to take ballroom or Latin dance lessons, group lessons, because there's two benefits.
First of all, well, three, you'll be touching and looking in the eyes of all kinds of women, because that's how it works.
You trade off partners.
And secondly, it's fine and good exercise.
And thirdly, mostly these classes are very loaded with women.
A lot of them are very cute women.
And you end up in a sort of a group where you'll get together and have coffee or drinks afterwards.
So you develop a social life around it and you end up meeting women.
I thought you were going to say plus women need men to dance with or tired of dancing with each other.
That's right.
Well, exactly.
Exactly.
Yeah, you're needed.
I've never ever had a man do this who hasn't met a girl and ended up with an amazing girlfriend.
100%.
It's like and I think just getting out there is a huge step.
Even for men who say, I have two left feet, I don't know how to dance, doesn't matter.
Yeah.
And the social thing you mentioned is really important because the girl might not be in the dance class, but her friend might be.
Yeah.
Yeah, friends of a friend, that's right.
So if you don't like dancing or it's just not your thing and you can't decide, what are some other ways without a dating app that will stick to men for the moment and then talk about women that men could meet somebody?
Yeah.
So this is the same thing.
This part is the same for men or women.
You have to have frequent proximity with the same people over time.
For example, a particular neighborhood hangout or a place that you would go, and you go there every Saturday or every Friday or three times a week, and then you get to know and you become a regular and you start talking to people.
That's how you make friends.
That's how you get a social life going.
It's very painful at first because you feel self-conscious.
You don't have good social skills.
You don't know anybody.
That's when you get the, what is it when people set up?
That's when people say, oh, you know, I know so and so you should date her.
You're like, oh no, is she pretty or like, how come she's single?
You should go out with every opportunity, every single one you can at the beginning.
Everything.
That's a good point too, because then you, you don't know unless you go and you're building your social skills.
Yeah, you're building your skills.
Even if it's a 45-minute coffee date and you make an exit, I always suggest, you know, everybody likes to have a, you have an exit, you know, and you just make it a short date.
Some of the, one line that I really like is, let's go out and have coffee, we'll have a 45-minute date.
Now, if it really, we hit it off, we can have a second date and we'll just do it right then.
How does that sound?
And, you know, you just stick to it.
I mean, you made an agreement.
You got a 45-minute date.
Instant date.
Yeah.
A lot of people like, the worst thing to do, let's go to dinner, let's go to a movie on the second date.
Let's, what, what are you doing now?
Right?
Yeah.
And men are reluctant to be honest.
Everyone doesn't want to hurt someone's feelings.
Being honest is a skill that you need to practice.
So at the end of that 45 minutes, you know, we haven't really hit it off.
I really like you as a person, but I don't think we have anything chemistry-wise.
Maybe I have a friend or maybe you have a friend or, you know, who knows?
It's always nice to start to just build friendships or acquaintanceships with women.
And be honest if it's not for you, because you never know, you could get invited to a party by that girl that she went out for the 45-minute coffee date with, and you can meet somebody there.
So that's how it all works.
But you got to have a place that you frequent, and you go again and again, and people get to know you there somewhere where you kind of like the people.
That's how you make friends and that's how you kind of dig in and start building real relationships and get out of the house.
So what about for a woman?
How does she meet someone?
And besides going on a dating app and showing skin and competing with all that nonsense?
Well, it's really exactly the same.
Women tend to go out with other women because it's safe.
And so you see women in packs, but men are very intimidated about approaching girls in a pack.
Very hard for most men to do that.
So we see it all the time.
My wife and I, we'll go downtown to Washington DC where we have a home outside of DC.
And we see three or four attractive younger women, and there's never a man around.
Sometimes we'll see the men in another group at a bar or restaurant, and they're all talking to each other.
Women are talking to each other.
Never the twain shall meet.
So if you're a woman and you want to meet somebody, you're going to have to go out by yourself and hang out, and just have men talk to you.
It's much easier as a woman because men will talk to you much more readily than men will talk to other men.
Yeah.
Unless it's a bachelorette party, I've learned, if it's a group of women, it's not the right time, it's not the place.
No.
Don't ruin their evening.
You found that out by experience, huh?
Yeah.
And I'm an engineer, so twice as good.
The second time was, you know, I nailed it, and it was fun because they actually like to talk to men.
They want to have a good time.
They want men to, it's a bachelorette party.
Just got to be clear, it's not the time to get a phone number and a date, and for God's sake, especially if you accidentally hit on the one that's getting married.
You know, I've never been invited to a bachelorette party.
I don't know what I would do if I was.
I had been to bachelor parties, but I was never fortunate enough to have the experience that you did.
Oh, they go out to bars and clubs.
Oh, gotcha, gotcha.
So you can't miss it's party bus and all dressed.
You know, just be intelligent about it.
So let's say you don't like clubs, you don't like bars.
Good point, yeah.
I don't like bars and I don't like clubs, I don't drink.
So what you have to do is you have to do something where you have an interest in the activity and you enjoy the activity.
So you're going to drive a benefit out of it whether you meet somebody or not.
This applies to men or women.
For example, a hiking group is a good one if it's the weather is okay, and you like going hiking or biking or any of these activities, even a volunteer activity, cleaning up the beach, running a soup kitchen.
All these things will get you in proximity with other people that probably have similar values to yours because they're doing the same activity.
And then over time, repeated exposure to the same people, you develop friendships with those people, and then they know other people.
And that's how you get into a group.
You can do this very consciously if you move to a new town or you want to start over or you've been alone and you want to learn to do this.
You just have to go and find a few of these activities and meet up or other types of things and just start these activities.
And that works really, really well.
Yeah.
What came to mind is, what if I lose interest like it's a biking club and I change my mind, I don't like biking later on?
It doesn't matter because in that moment, you have something to talk about.
In that moment, you're interested, and it doesn't mean you're trying to find a life partner to go running with.
It just means we can talk about, we have stuff to talk about in the moment, the common interest.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's just the source of those relationships.
After that, hey, it's a cafeteria.
You can go from biking to photography or whatever you want.
Right.
Well, I mentioned it because I think I've heard it a lot.
You do what you like to do as if you want to meet somebody who likes to do exactly what you do, as if it's a dating criteria, like a profile criteria, and it's not right.
You have to have repeated exposure to the same people over and over to develop friendships.
That's the key.
It doesn't matter what you're doing or where it is, but you have to do that.
If it's new people all the time, it's very hard to develop any kind of relationships.
But if it's the same people over time, you'll end up developing friendships, and then those people know other people, they'll invite you to get togethers, and then you have a whole social circle and you'll meet people.
Okay.
So you mentioned keyword friendship.
Getting stuck in the friend zone is not a good thing.
You cannot get out of it if you're friends with the woman, because women will value your friendship more than sex if you're a man.
How do you make the first move and when do you do it in terms of this cycle of meeting people?
Okay.
So are you asking me how you have a female friend and you?
Yeah.
I'll paint you a picture.
Okay.
I'm not a bicyclist, but maybe I decide how hard can it be to ride an e-bike or a bike?
I'll go out on this because I know there's 50, 50 women men, a lot of single women.
So I go and I see a girl I like and so I go a second time.
Now, at what point do I do something?
How do I do it?
To actually ask her out on a date versus just be a friend.
Yeah, well, you have to ask her out on a date, and you have to use that word and that terminology.
That's how you have to start it.
Oh, hey, I saw you here last time, Mary.
And I really, I kind of like you.
Maybe we could have coffee afterwards or another day.
Let me get your phone number.
And then if she gives you your phone number, what I recommend you do to do this is you write down your number on your phone, on the texting app where you have the camera thing, and then you hit the camera thing, and then you hold it up, and you take a selfie with both of you, and then you text to her because she's giving it.
Because if you have too many friends and dates, you don't know who's who.
So forget you write so quickly.
Women are approached by men a lot and they forget who you are two days later.
So you have that selfie.
She'll remember.
So you don't ask.
Just, I mean, you just do it gently, but just assertively, you know, oh, hey, here's the number right on your number.
Okay.
I'm going to text a photo so you remember me.
Click and then you text it to her.
Right.
You know, you know what also that does is it makes sure she didn't give you a fake phone number.
Right.
That's right.
Exactly.
Exactly.
It'll, it'll, her scheme will fall apart.
She wasn't honest with you.
She was trying not to hurt your feelings, trying to deflect you.
She doesn't know you.
She doesn't like you.
She has a boyfriend or she's married, whatever.
But you have to be frank.
So the reason that men are in the friend zone is they don't want to risk losing the friendship.
And that's a problem because it's a it's a basically a dishonest way of conducting your life.
I don't mean to make you feel ashamed a bit because I've done it, we've all done it.
But we have to grow out of that.
We have to be frank about our sexual desires and our romantic desires.
And being in the friend zone means that you're lying to a woman about your intentions and your interests.
Yeah, how friendly is that?
If she knew how much would she still like you?
And there's not a problem telling a girl that.
So when I, you know, I've done it when I finally grew up in this area and I go, hey, Mary, you know, I've got to tell you, to be honest with you, I'm very attracted to you.
I like our friendship, but I would love to go to bed with you.
I would love to have you as a girlfriend.
I just want you to know that as we're friends, that's something I'm going to be thinking about from time to time.
I just can't help it.
Just so you know.
Now she knows.
That's honest.
Because and you never know, sometimes something will develop.
But that frankness, that frank, frankness about your sexual and romantic interests is very, very important to learn and practice.
It's so helpful.
Well, you never know, she might be waiting for you to say that.
Yeah, that's right.
And then the flip, she may be like, now what?
I put them loose.
And you'll avoid those discussions where she's telling you how awful her boyfriend is.
She's complaining about her boyfriend or her husband.
You're the shoulder she's crying on.
Who wants to be that?
I never wanted to do that.
I never wanted to be there.
And I did that a lot of times with women.
Well, what about me?
You?
I think of you, you're more like a brother.
I don't think of you that way.
You know, I got.
So, if maybe it's just me, I've had like things, just things seem to happen to me, like only me.
People like, it only happens to you, Daniel.
I track experiences.
What happens if you, backing up to where you said, let's go for coffee.
It's not clear that it's a sexual relationship versus a friendship because you could just ask a friend to go to coffee.
Let's have a coffee date.
I would like to get to know you better.
Let's go on a real date, maybe a 45-minute coffee date.
How does that sound?
So you have to use the D-A-T-E word.
You have to be clear about that, not let's hang out.
Now, it could start.
One of the things you might do, and this can be better in some cases, is you might say, I have a few friends that are coming over on Saturday.
We just met at the bicycle.
Why don't you join us?
It'd be nice.
You could bring your friend.
That's fine.
But then from there, it becomes a date when you express your interest and ask her out.
It has to be a date.
Let's be clear.
Well, I could see it working that way too.
It does.
Except that then if my friends start hitting on her, I have to go before they'll come out.
Hey guys, I'm inviting some girls over here.
Girl code, yeah, girls.
Girl code.
Don't take my guy.
Don't take my girl.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
It doesn't really work though.
What's that?
It doesn't work though because everyone wants the cuter one, and the cute one has a friend that's not really very good-looking.
That's how life works sometimes.
But you meet more people.
Yeah, exactly.
Better than a dating app.
So that's a good way of doing it.
It's a good way, and that's why it's good to have friends like this and get invited over and then you can invite other people.
You can say, hey, Mary, I have a friend or two.
Do you mind if I invite them?
I have a girl that I met another thing, and I have a friend, a guy that I buddy, maybe, and you end up having a nice little party, and then you get to know more people, and it's a wonderful way to live.
So what about the sex part?
How soon after you start dating, should you have or not have sex?
Actually, remind me to circle back to, I have this theory, it's better not to have sex until you're married, not for religious reasons, just because it separates the two.
What's your, what do you think?
It separates the two what?
It separates your interest in having sex with a beautiful woman from getting to know her as a friend.
Okay.
Okay.
So, I agree with you.
I don't know about marriage, because some people aren't going to get married.
Marriage is something that some people aren't going to go for.
That's true.
Good point.
But I think you're right.
I think you need to have a loving relationship before you actually have intercourse or oral sex with somebody.
However, I think that a big mistake that men make more often than not is they don't get physical soon enough on a date.
Because the difference between a woman that you're interested in romantically and a woman that is your roommate because she shares the rent, the difference is physical closeness.
Because with a normal person, your body or whatever, you maintain a certain distance.
But with someone who could be your girlfriend, you close the distance and getting physical right away is important to see if there's chemistry there and move things along.
So I'm a big believer in a first kiss during the first date, of sitting next to her, not across from her.
I just think I've seen that work so well compared to what most men do when they sort of draw it out and they don't even have a kiss till the very end, or maybe it's just a hug.
So what happens is you try to, let's say you're talking to her 15 or 20 minutes in the first date, and you go, I really like you, and you say, you kind of reach in for a kiss.
Now, she either turns her cheek, or she pushes you away, or she laughs, or she allows you to kiss her, right?
Now, here's where a woman is testing a man.
She's going to see if you have grit, which is very important to women, that a man has grit.
That means that in adversity, you don't get upset.
You just handle it like a masculine, real man, and you go, so you go for it again, 10 or 15 minutes, and maybe you go for it again, and the third time, she lets you kiss her, because you're so good-humored and so nice and charming about it, and you didn't ever get down or upset.
It's really nice.
So close in the physical space, and then you're holding hands, you're kissing, you're making out, you're hugging.
That's cuddling.
That's what is very important to start a relationship out that way, that you think any relationship with a woman.
I can get it if I'm trying to pick up a girl just for sex.
The strategy, get in there, get it done.
That's what you're there for.
Well, mind you, I'm not that open-minded, Chris.
But if it's for a long-term relationship, two things come to mind.
I'm just thinking out loud here.
So help me out.
One is that, well, for starters, that could lead me to just having sex too soon.
That's one.
The other is, what if I don't really like her that much?
I'm trying to be a friend.
Then don't do it.
Then don't do it.
Okay.
But then I don't want to get stuck in the friend zone either.
If you don't really like her, if you're not attracted to her, then the friend zone is perfect for you.
Well, bingo.
That's what I'm getting at.
That assumes...
I'm talking about a girl that you like, that you're attracted to.
Yeah.
And then it's just the physical though.
It isn't just the physical, but the physical is very, very important.
It's very hard to separate.
I don't think it's possible.
I see what you're saying.
You know, that's a question I was going to ask you on like sexual compatibility, where I think, you know, you're both, you can have, anyone can have sex.
What do you mean sexual compatibility?
Do you like someone?
It comes to attractions are very important.
Like.
Yeah.
Oh, my question.
Here's my question.
If is it, say someone you're not into somebody, can you, as the theory goes, learn to love them over time?
Absolutely.
Absolutely.
You can't.
My proof of that are all the arranged marriages that are happening around the world.
In countries, it's just diminishing somewhat.
But I have people that work for me in Pakistan and arranged marriages are the norm there still.
And they do get to love their, their, their wives or husbands, even if they didn't initially.
They do.
So it absolutely can be.
That's a great example.
So how soon is it just on intuition?
You're on your first date, you went to the coffee shop after you rode your bike.
You go get coffee, you order coffee for both of you and you take it back to the table.
And like if you feel like that's the time, it's good.
Yeah, exactly.
Exactly right.
Exactly right.
Now, now you have a physical relationship starting.
So now the worst thing you can do is to have sex too soon.
Yeah, because it's kind of like if you've staked your claim, we're going to build a house here.
I own a lot, you know, everyone back off its private property.
Now I can take my time pouring the foundation and building the frame in the house.
That's right.
Well, that's a great way to put it.
Yeah, I would say third date is okay.
Third or fourth date and it's okay for longer.
It's just that you do want to have intimacy without actual sex.
So you just want to say that and you want to stick to that as a man, which can be very difficult when you're aroused.
But you have to say in advance, I really want to get to know you first.
I don't want to jump in the bed right away.
And that's what you do, because that works a lot better.
Now, I've met people, many people who have had sex on the first date and they have successful marriages and relationships.
But in the long run, I've also found that it's probably much more damaging in general.
So there's a bias here when we look at the people to say, oh, I had sex, but there's a lot of failed relationships we never hear about.
And I think sex on the first date, second date is a mistake.
Maybe third date even is a mistake, depending.
But I do think it's a-
I'm on the-
it sounds kind of weird when I think about this.
Because I like to think in pictures, like I see a picture.
So now I'm pretending I'm a woman, but I'm not, I'm not, I'm not going to imagine the man.
I'm pretending I'm a woman because, you know, they get hurt when they get taken advantage by players.
So their guard is up.
You know, you've kissed them, but I would guess, tell me if I'm wrong, they're going to try to resist sex unless they, that's what they really want.
Not today, not young women anymore.
No, no, no.
They should, but they don't.
Yeah.
A lot of young women just expect to have sex initially.
What I mean is, how if you were a woman or a man, tell the difference between, this is just a hookup, I like you, but I know as soon as you have sex, you're going to leave me versus someone who has deeper intentions or can you?
Yeah, I don't think it's easy to tell that at all.
But if you follow this track, what you're going to do is you're going to build up the oxytocin, which is the hormone that's generated in your brain, and in your testes, and in women.
And oxytocin creates good feelings of desire, love, trust, connection.
And that's very important to build that before you actually have sex.
If you go on a sex track too soon, it turns from oxytocin into adobamine, especially if it's hot sex.
And a lot of people don't realize this, but hot sex actually causes a lot of emotional ripples, in a relationship and can drive people apart, actually.
Nobody believes this because they don't want to believe it, but there's a lot of science around this.
I mean, it's 100 percent true.
There's a post-orgasmic cycle that can last anywhere from two days to a week.
It lasts for a shorter period for men than for women.
And during that time, there's a high emotion, there's weird feelings, there's wanting to be apart, there's being more interested in other people.
And why is that?
That's because the chemical itself, the drug itself?
It's because we're designed to, as men, we're designed to impregnate women.
And as women, you know, we're designed to try to find the male that's going to create the best genetics in a child, regardless of whether he, you know, just as a sperm donor or a father.
And this is what people don't want to recognize.
Nature has this framework that's built around us.
That's why we're here, because we're here, 100% of our ancestors were successful having babies, right?
And so there's a whole number of post-orgasmic fallout hormones to kick in that cause us to look and be more interested in other people besides our partner, to be more critical of our partner, be more emotional about our partner.
That's what the hot sex we're speaking of, so if you just have too fast, too intense.
That's right.
So the oxytocin tends to make that all much, much better.
Even so, after six months, nine months a year, those hormones that make everything okay, those honeymoon hormones, they tend to diminish.
And then hopefully there's some companionship and friendship in addition to sex that helps move the relationship to the second, third, fifth, 10th, 20th, 30th year.
No, now we're going to the next phase, which is what I want to ask you about couples, long-term relationships.
You know, imagine we all start, they all started out this way, the meet at the bike, you know, meet someplace, you know, kiss, had sex.
They had you right.
And then at some point, they stop having sex, right?
Why is that?
And how can they start it up again?
So that those post-orgasmic fallout, including the Coolidge effect and after President Coolidge, all of these things, they tend to conspire against us, and they create a sexual boredom.
And depending on your age, like when I was in my 40s, I started to think, maybe hit 50, I started to think, is this all there is?
Like sex with my wife?
I'm going to miss out on all these wild oats, I could have sown, all these women I could be with.
And I started feeling bored and being more interested in other relationships.
And I even considered leaving my wife.
And I'm so glad that I did it, because instead of that, I'm a health and sex researcher, and I started to study this and a lot.
And that's when I found the key is how you have sex and that it changed my entire life.
Well, that's your nirvana sex.
You have your YouTube channel and your books that are in the show.
And that's what we're going to mention.
That's what you call it, right?
Nirvana sex?
Yeah, it changed everything.
It changed everything.
So now we have sex like twice a day.
And occasionally, there's health things that can be a little problematic, but we get through them all.
And I always have to tell people this.
I go, my wife has very low sex drive.
That's important to let people know.
If you...
Yeah.
Doesn't matter.
I have a good sex drive, but she doesn't matter.
Because when you do this type of sex, you have sex for 30 minutes or 45 minutes or whatever.
It's just very loving and wonderful for each partner.
And it doesn't require this incredible arousal.
That's the point.
And that tends to be something you can sustain for the rest of your life.
And that is the transition from being bored with your partner to just can't get enough for your partner.
Because what happens is the oxytocin starts building and you start desiring your partner even more than you did when you first met.
And that stays, it gets even better.
I just had some notes from a young woman on Reddit who found some of my work.
She asked me about newlywed and she was asking about some advice around sex.
And I was explaining to her, they're trying nirvana sex and they're doing it, that it takes about six months, the brain wires to this and it gets better and better.
You mean the slow sex, the intimate sex.
That's not focusing on orgasm.
Everybody regards sex as climbing a mountain.
At the top of the mountain, you come and then you fall down the mountain.
And then, of course, you're spent.
That's what everybody does.
Just going for, no, we're just going to go for a walk up the mountain.
We're going to head up the mountain.
And we're just going to turn around when we feel like it.
Well, my analogy is, if we're in a nature analogy, is mine is a lake.
So the lake, you can play together in the lake.
Now there's a waterfall and went into the lake.
And it's more fun to play close to the waterfall.
And it's really fun to play really close to the waterfall.
But if you're too close, you go down the waterfall, and you're done for a while.
That's kind of how I look at it.
Yep.
It is more fun to be close to the orgasm and not have the orgasm.
And to do that with somebody for 30 or 45 minutes, after six months, it becomes a whole body orgasmic sensation that takes as long as you're having.
It's incredible.
So how does say your man and your woman doesn't want to have sex as much anymore, how do you communicate that?
How do you start?
What language do you use to initiate the?
It's the S word, schedule.
You schedule it.
I think it's a terrible thing if you have a romantic partnership and you're not having sex.
You don't have a romantic partnership anymore.
You have a roommate or business partnership.
And if you want to turn that around, you have to have a discussion and you have to schedule sex.
And that means that you're having sex whether you or she feels like it or not on a schedule.
Now, picture in my mind, like we're in a business meeting and can we work after?
No, got it on my calendar.
You know, group, what's so important?
You know, private, it's private.
Yeah, I got it on my calendar.
You have to have it on your calendar.
You know, Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday, let's say Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday and Sunday for us for a long, long time, many, many years.
And now it's every day, several times a day.
It just evolved that way.
But the schedule rescued the whole thing.
Okay.
So say you don't have the schedule yet, and you're man listening or woman.
Okay.
You just look, man, I don't want to live like this, but I don't want to break up.
Here's how you start.
Here's how you start.
What you start is you talk to your wife or your husband, and you say, we need to do some cuddling every day.
Let's do that.
Let's bring our relationship back in the physical plane.
And now it's better to do naked cuddling and not lead to sex for a couple of weeks.
The spark comes back, it builds oxytocin.
But if you can do it, what I call self cuddling, like let's say your husband or wife isn't really on board.
You know how you watch TV on a couch, and you're on one end and she's on the other?
Well, now you like move right over and you're right up against your partner.
So you're cuddling with your partner while you're watching TV.
Even that works.
But what if you get resistance push back?
Well, you're in trouble.
If she won't cuddle or he won't, if you won't do the physical stuff, then you might be in real trouble because you have to have the physical component to bring everything back.
It can start with cuddling, but if they're not willing to do that, they can probably need a therapist.
Yeah, not a sex therapist is a therapist.
Maybe, maybe you do.
I mean, maybe you can go to some counselor.
I've never, I haven't seen to have you known people that have had success with marriage counselors, Daniel?
No, I don't know that many people at all, really, who have talked about it to me.
You know, probably have to be somebody like a family member or something.
I had an acquaintance, Bob, who was a marriage counselor and probably a good one, quite successful, and his marriage was having some trouble.
And he told me, he said, marriage counseling doesn't work.
Why is that flat out?
Because there's no sex, and without sex, there's no marriage?
Yeah, without sex, there's no marriage, really, unless you're OK with it.
I mean, if you're OK with that, I'm not judging and saying it's bad, but it's not a relationship, a romantic relationship anymore.
So you should skip the marriage counselor unless it says, quote, sex slash marriage counselor.
I mean, the thing about marriage counseling is somebody tries to get the counselor to appreciate her view, and he tries to get the counselor to appreciate his view, and they're just fighting with each other through the counselor and talking about negativity all the time.
But really, if you just cuddle together, and especially naked and everything, in a couple of weeks, everything comes back and you're fine.
It doesn't even take much.
Yeah.
So is there a common problem, a common theme over and over that men come to you that surprises you?
Like, wow, I didn't realize this was...
You've been doing this a long time.
I've got 80,000 men I've coached over the years.
It's hard to be surprised anymore.
People will come to me with new gimmicks and new things today.
For example, somebody came to me with a test or a DNA test that he was thinking about.
It was a very persuasive sales copy, and it's to identify allergies and things that people would know about, and I commented on that.
I get a lot of things like that.
But Matt, what do you think about this testosterone booster?
Matt, my doctor wants to put me on testosterone.
I'm not really for that idea.
What do you think about it?
I get that every day, but none of it is particularly surprising anymore.
So we talk about that a little bit on the previous show, which had to do with medicine and your health.
Real quick, if that is a factor, say you're a man that can't get it up, or a woman who's in menopause, and that's the actual factor.
Not that you don't want to try, but you're a little shy to communicate that.
What do you suggest for the men?
I bring it right back to sex.
So I have a very simple technique called intercourse anytime.
And I've developed it many, many years ago because I had ED and I wanted to have sex.
And my ED was centered around performance anxiety.
And then later on, even now, occasionally, I'll take...
I don't have any here, but I'm always...
Well, I'm always running...
Yeah, here's why.
I'm always running experiments of different things, okay?
Always doing things like all sorts of things.
Occasionally, I'll get ED from that.
But it never interferes with my sex life, because it's always possible, very easy, to help a woman get wet and get your penis inside her and be having intercourse, whether you're hard or not.
Always possible.
Very easy to do.
Very easy to do.
Always possible.
Always.
Always easy.
And it's so much better having sex than not having sex.
Now, Matt, she doesn't like it unless it's hard.
I understand that.
But you know what?
If you do this technique, she doesn't even know the difference unless she sees it.
She doesn't know the difference.
She can't feel the difference.
The nerve endings that women have tend to be in the first.
First of all, the clitoris is the major pleasure point for a woman, right?
There's like 8,000 nerve endings.
The first three quarters of her entrance is where she feels everything.
Not very much.
Just like a man's penis.
You have a penis, your tip of your penis, you feel a lot.
The rest of it, not very much.
Same thing with women.
There is another point deep inside, near their cervical area where there are other nerves too, but most men aren't ever going to get there with their penis.
So, you know, that paints me the picture of just trying to be too aggressive.
Tell me if I'm wrong, but it seems to me most men, maybe they watch too many movies, too many TV, like, you know, you just have to be so intense, like animalistic.
You don't have to be to have a woman, to give a woman an orgasm, right?
No, you could just get her wet and have your penis inside.
And then I show a technique called the hidden finger technique where she can be on top.
Most women will come through clitoral stimulation rather than vaginal stimulation most of the time.
So what they will do is they'll rub their clitoris against your pubic bone basically, and that's how they'll get their orgasm.
So they can do the same thing.
And they don't even know you're not hard.
They can't even tell.
And it's very, very simple.
I mean, they don't even know, can't tell.
So now I find also the men with ED that getting them to have sex, a lot of times will cure ED and certainly cure a lot of other problems and relationship problems.
Because mental, the mental bit, mental aspect.
Because they're because they're having sex.
They're having an intercourse.
They're having a romantic sexual relationship now.
So you never want to let your fact that you don't have erections interfere.
That's a life of depression and doom when you go, Oh, I can't get it up.
So I better not meet a woman.
I better not have.
That's wrong.
That's terrible.
What a terrible way to live.
You don't have to live that way anymore.
Yeah, if it was me, I'm putting my picture on myself as a man now and I can't get it up.
And I think I'm going to pick one out of my catalog of I just found myself with a girl that, you know, I wasn't really that attracted to.
You could if you just focus on her, you know, you can still give her an orgasm.
Well, not only, but I'm saying, yes, of course you can.
You can have an oral or what.
But what I'm saying is you can have intercourse.
It doesn't matter that you can't have an erection.
You can always have intercourse.
And it's so much better a world when you have this in your toolkit.
You may not ever have to use it, but to know that you have it takes the performance anxiety away because you know that you have options that no matter what, you're going to be having sex with this woman.
What is it again?
Like it that well, I call it intercourse anytime.
It's a I draw it in the book.
I have the Healthy Noon 20, and I did it in Masculine Maximizer and some of my other books.
I had an artist that works for me that drew the diagrams.
It's very clear, very easy.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
So you've got your Matt Partners for Life YouTube, and then your Men's Mayhem YouTube because you focus more on men.
I do.
Most of my coaching has been with men, almost all of it.
I have worked with women over the years and I still do, but most of it's with men.
And I have the books now available for your viewers, which I'll give you a link for, and you don't even have to opt in or provide your email address.
You can just download them.
You separate people that come to you for the health, live to be 120 from the sex.
You just try to get them together.
It all comes, it all goes together.
It all goes together because for men, just like the old internal combustion engines, you had to check the oil, you have a dipstick, you pull the dipstick out, you wipe it, put it.
For men, their penis is their dipstick of their health.
It's the indicator of their overall health.
Erections are the indicator of overall health.
So, and what happens is, if you don't have erections for a while, you get scar tissue called penile fibrosis, which then prevents you from having erections.
Now we've figured out ways of fixing that, but I started getting it, I started working with guys with ED, and I could only handle and help them with certain causes of ED, and that's when I started using my health interest, and we started moving into the other health areas that help men.
But the sex life is always the foundation for men, really.
I mean, men are, you know, us guys, I mean, obviously, there's a lot of wonderful things in life.
You know, you're an engineer, I could tell you're brilliant, you have so many interests.
But I think for men, sex drive is the core of their being and drives them.
And so sex is super, super important to men, and that's what I focus on.
And what if you are a woman?
I'm going to put myself in the woman's place again, and maybe post-metapausal or just lost interest.
I suppose I would just do this for my man, understanding that this is him biologically, and if I love him, this is what I need.
That's the deal.
That is the deal.
That is the deal.
But there is a gratification that women have for men that are pursuing nirvana sex.
It's not just using a woman to get off.
It's completely different.
It may look the same superficially, you're sticking it in, okay, but everything else about it is very different.
And women will love that.
It comes to mind if it's that's so biologically important for men, besides just having pleasure, it's important for their health, that it's like going for a walk together.
We need to do this for us to stay alive and healthy.
That's why I suggest scheduling it.
Yeah.
It's so good for you.
It's so healthy and so wonderful.
But for some reason, sometimes women, if they've lost their sex drive, they don't remember how good it is.
You have to kind of remind them every time.
So that's why a schedule is a better way to go.
They're in fear, maybe because you'll hurt them, try to just do something too aggressive or painful.
Well, you'll learn if women get something called vaginal atrophy, especially if they're on certain types of medications.
There's a period of time where women start having a regular periods called perimenopause.
And then there's a period when they stop altogether, that the rest of their lives, menopause.
And a lot of times their vaginal atrophy is really what they call the thinning of the walls of the vagina.
But so they don't get, they don't lubricate as readily, but they still lubricate.
You just have to use saliva, use lubricant.
These things are not difficult things to do.
And I also found there's some good solutions for vaginal atrophy, which I detailed and figured out for women.
Yeah, you got a lot of stuff on your website.
Yeah.
So tell me something listeners need to know that I haven't asked you, if there's something.
I think that one of the things that we haven't discussed is the particular difficulties of young men in this world today.
I don't know how many young men are in your audiences or how many you've ever been in touch with in connection with your...
Do you think, are they dating?
Are they interested?
What's your feeling?
You know, it's interesting.
Just when you think they're not having any, they'll pull out their app.
They're on their apps, like you say, in their 20s, 30s.
I'm like, are you kidding me?
What are you doing on there?
You take that picture off of you.
You went out with her.
No, she's not good for you long-term.
I know, but it's a great app and I'm going to go meet her today.
No, I'm old school.
I just see someone in the grocery store and start talking to him.
And then before I know it, I don't realize that some of my friends are like, Dan, Dan, what?
She likes him.
What are you talking about?
I'm just talking to strangers in the grocery store.
Yeah.
But she likes you.
She's good-looking.
Oh, you're right.
Okay.
Hold on.
Wait, come back.
I just learned before I met my wife, I was taught by a man who's about 40.
I was 20, and we became good friends.
We both worked as salespeople in the same company.
And he taught me how to meet women and pick up girls, basically.
It was very easy, really.
But just doing it.
And then I suggest that people just try to, all you do is just start with talking to strangers when you order coffee or whatever.
Just talk to whoever it is.
Like you're saying, you just start talking to people.
Even one conversation a day just starts with that.
That one step leads to another.
Because we're dealing with a starting point, which is very rough these days.
You know, you and I, I'm probably older than you, but I know you're, you look very young.
But I grew up without any internet, without any of these things.
And we had to learn how to talk to girls and learn how to talk to people and do it all the time.
But now, we have so many substitutions for, there's porn, which substitutes for sex, there's social media, which substitutes for friendships.
I don't mean that they're as good as-
I thought you were going to say texting, meaning what I wanted to ask you, because you're on this line of, which is great, meeting women without an app, because you didn't have one.
Right.
Pickup lines.
What would you do for a pickup line?
Yeah, I was just the dumbest shit ever.
I would just go, hey, what's your name?
Well, that's actually not bad.
That's all I did.
That's actually pretty good.
I could meet girls today if I wanted to.
Just the same thing.
And you know what?
There's no negative condescending, cat calling, like, you look hot, babe.
Yeah.
Well, here's the problem today.
Here's the problem.
Problem is I'm on my phone.
The girl's on her phone.
She's on her phone.
She has her headphones on.
So you have to actually interrupt her.
That's okay.
And how would you do that?
Oh, hey, excuse me.
I just wanted to say hello.
There you go.
It's Matt.
See, guys, it's that simple.
Yeah, she could be annoyed, get lost.
I have a boyfriend or whatever.
Okay, that's fine.
But you do that 10 times, you're going to have probably two dates, three days.
Also, if you don't think about in terms of pickup, just the stranger would say, hey, I just want to say hello.
Rather than she being mad because you're trying to pick up on her because you're not, she'll be embarrassed.
Oh, sorry.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know anyone was trying to probably apologize.
Well, it's all over the map and sometimes annoyed and it doesn't matter.
But you have to do that these days.
Could still be like, I'm busy.
Oh, that's cool.
Well, it's very nice chatting with you.
Have a wonderful day and you walk away.
As a man, you have to be good humored and maintain your humor.
Well, the perfect thing, though, is then you won't get your coffee and your whole day you won't be thinking about.
If only I had to go.
Why didn't I have fun?
And you'd be chased stalking you're like going back to Starbucks, looking for the same girl at the same time.
You're right.
You know, there's that there was an old movie called Sliding Doors.
It was all about what happens if somebody gets off of a subway car or they don't get off.
If the door closed, they like their whole life changes.
That's kind of what it was about.
This girl could change her whole life.
You don't know.
I remember when I was hanging out with some of these guys who were practicing pick up, and then we went to the shopping mall, and I actually had a girlfriend at the time, and I told my girlfriend, I'm going with these guys because they asked me to go with them, and they're taking this course on how to meet.
So, you know, we go to the mall because there's girls there, and they're going to the jeans, you know, the Levi store, the shoe store, whatever.
It's kind of boring.
And I see this girl on the lower level of the mall or upstairs.
And you're speaking of the, you know, the doors closing in the elevator.
At first, then it came to my mind, which because it's how I'm like, you just do what comes to mind.
I literally ran over to the room and gone, hey, it's loud as I.
She looked up or looked down?
Both of them.
There's two girls together, turned around.
And then what's the next thing I do?
I ran down the stairs, ran, just ran down the stairs.
Cause you mean, I'm probably only so much time involved, right?
How long people gonna wait for you?
And then, then once I got up close, I don't know, I just wasn't that interested.
Well, I had a girlfriend too.
This is only for maybe, out here with you guys, I've got your back, bros.
Yeah, I've got your back.
I'll go with you to the mall.
Yeah, so just say, hey, I thought you were somebody else.
I'm Daniel, and nice to meet you.
And they went on their way.
That's the doors closing.
Do it now.
Or you could have easily chatted them up if you didn't have a girlfriend.
Who knows?
Yeah, that's exactly right.
Even if you just go for one interaction a day, just one, just try to find that one.
You'll get good at it, and you'll realize that rejection doesn't mean the end of the world.
Here's what not to do if you're men listening, or women, men.
Don't stalk them, follow them in the mall, because you don't have the guts to actually say, hey, you'll get security and the police called on you, and you will do us all this favor because it's just...
You have to excuse me and never turn around and talk to her.
You just have to.
That's a good point.
Now, I'll give you an idea, a method of overcoming the fear of rejection, okay?
This is basically it.
Very, very easy to do.
And how you do it is you have to expect that an individual interaction with some girl, some random girl, is probably gonna be a no-go.
I don't really know if I'd call it rejection because she hasn't know you, she can't reject you.
She's just rejecting an interaction with you, right?
But it's a no-go.
So you have to expect a negative result.
But you also have to realize that you're gonna have a positive outcome through expecting a negative result.
So individual interaction, negative, negative, positive, negative, negative, positive.
But you know, each negative, you're going, that's out of the way, the next one might be a positive, but you expect most of them to be no.
That way you maintain your-
It's a numbers game.
Yeah.
If you're looking for your partner for life, then unless it's a certain religion that maybe you can have more than one, or you're the king of some country that you're in a tribe, you're only going to have one, so it can't be everyone.
Yeah.
So just expect it to be mostly negative and you're fine.
That brings me back, circles me back to the first kiss, because this is a challenging one.
You do want to build something more than friendship sooner than later.
Yeah.
What if you build it too quick and then you decide you don't want to hurt someone's feelings?
You guess you have to, you go.
You don't have to hurt her feelings.
Yeah, you don't have to hurt her feelings.
Yeah.
You know, I realized after our date, I didn't feel the chemistry.
You probably feel that way.
But I'd still like to maintain a relationship with you, just not an intimate one.
And it's really nice chatting.
That's all.
Very easy.
Just honesty.
The more you're honest, the easier it gets.
I would call it being frank about your intentions.
I'm just thinking about the unfortunate aspect of it, which is someone else is going to really like you.
Yeah.
And you're going to break her heart.
As you know, we all have that experience as young adults.
Don't we all have that?
Where our heart is broken by somebody?
Oh, yeah.
Countless.
Talk about the rejections.
Mine started with no positivity for a while.
That's much worse.
It's much harder.
But, yeah, it's never easy, but that's how it has to be.
Well, then what happened is it put me in the frame of the, well, I need some skills.
Yeah.
And now I'm the pick up artist, and now no woman can say no to me.
And now that's not happy either.
Well, I got plenty of no's, but it didn't bother me as much anymore.
I met women at the mall, at the beach.
You know, it's easy.
And I think now is a fantastic opportunity that's never before because women are not approached anymore.
No, I didn't know that.
They're complaining all the time they don't get approached.
Really?
Because of cancel culture, toxic masculinity.
Men are growing up now, they're not as assertive as they were before.
Oh, there was the COVID thing.
And I actually had a friend go, well, now that's COVID, what would you do, Dan?
I would do the mall thing.
Hey.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, that's not it.
It's not COVID.
You're saying it's something else socially.
It's our skills are stunted.
And a lot of young men grew up with women, single moms, women in the classroom.
They don't have a role model, a male role model.
And then they're using porn, social media, in place of life.
So they don't have the life skills.
COVID made it worse, because during that very important period in the early 20s, a lot of men were locked at home.
And so they didn't ever develop those skills.
But the solution is, one step at a time, the dance lessons, try to ask a girl out or get a number.
The solutions are just working on those skills and doing it.
Yeah.
So this has been fun, Matt.
Matt's website.
So you have the healthy2120.com.
Well, so I'll tell you what the ones that are really good.
So dailymedicaldiscoveries.com.
Even though it says Daily Medical Discoveries, it is loaded with, every day is a newsletter that's published there about a men's health topic or sex, or very, very helpful, very interesting.
And then if you want my books, you could go to idealmale.com/learn.
And all these books are over there now.
You'll learn about hidden signals of attraction, how you could pick up how women will show they're interested in you.
Did you know that most of the time, women make the first move, not men?
Oh, that is on your website or your question.
Tell me about that.
Yeah, it could be like a little bit extra second of eye contact, smile, touch your hair.
There's a number of signs.
So I put together a single one page or hidden signals.
That way you can talk to a girl and you seldom will get rejected because she's already shown an interest.
When I met my wife, she was the one that made the first move.
And I talked to lots of men, and that's very common.
Not that I didn't do something, but really she kind of made it so I thought I was making the first move.
But really, she had made the first move.
I have Partners for Life.
I have Masculine Maximizer.
How to use your sex drive to get anything you want in life.
Romance to 120, Health to 120.
They're all there.
They're all free at idealmale.com/learn.
Cool.
Matt, thanks.
Thanks so much for being on my show.
Thank you so much.
It's always a pleasure.
I love chatting with you.
Have a great day.