Think Differently. Solve the Impossible.

Show Notes

Connect With Frank King: 

The Mental Health Comedian.com  

Your TEDx Coach.com

Clean Corporate Comic.com 

 

The QPR Institute. QPR stands for Question, Persuade, and Refer — 3 simple steps to help save a life from suicide. Just like being trained in CPR. Website: https://qprinstitute.com/about-qpr

Signs of someone thinking about suicide:

• You catch them Googling death, dying or how to die by suicide.
• They are getting their personal affairs in order.
• They are giving their stuff away, especially prized possessions
• They are gathering the means: stock piling medication, buying a firearm or such.
• They’ve been depressed for a long time, and suddenly are happy for no apparent reason. You’re happy they are happy. BUT they are only happy because they have chosen the time, place, and method, and they know that the pain is about to come to and end.

When you see someone exhibiting signs or symptoms, ASK. Go with your gut. If you can’t do it, get their phone number, call me or Frank, and we will ask them for you.

ASK: “Are you having thoughts of suicide?”

Studies show if you mention the word “suicide” out loud, someone is LESS likely to die by suicide. If you’re not comfortable using the word suicide, say: “Are you having thoughts about harming yourself?”

If they say “Yes,” Ask: “Do you have a plan?”

If they say “Yes,” Ask: “What is your plan?”

If the plan is detailed (time, place, method) do your best to get them to a mental health facility or CALL 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). You can also TEXT 988.

If their plan is not detailed, tell them, “OK, tell me about it. Are you going to kill yourself?”

If they say ,“No (I don’t have a plan)", Ask: “Tell me why not?” Make them give voice to whatever is keeping them here. Something is. The majority don’t want to die. They simply want to end the pain.

Do not say "brush it off, get tough, and get over it". That can have the opposite effect. Instead say: “I’m here for you and I mean it. I know you’re not lazy, crazy, or self-absorbed. I know depression is a mental heath issue. But here’s the good news - with time and treatment things will get better. And I’ll take the time, I’ll help you get the treatment.”

To those BEING ASKED: If you are not having thoughts of suicide, do not take it personally . They care. If they did not care, they wouldn’t have asked. Start your reply with, “Thank you for asking.” Then if you like, tell them what’s up.

 

PREVENTION

Self-care plan:

Everyone should have a self-care plan, things you do every day that has nothing to do with what you do for a living. Make these things you have control over: what you eat, how much you sleep.

Frank has 5 things in his:

• Diet. The keno diet w/ intermittent fasting
• Exercise every day
• Good night’s sleep
• Meditation
• Medication

Everyone should have ONE thing you do every day to keep yourself mentally healthy it's your non-negotiable. You do this everyday, regardless of what else you do. For Frank it’s going to the gym - that’s his non-negotiable. What's yours?

 

Transcript

My guest today is Frank King.

He's a standup comedian, a former writer for The Tonight Show, and a speaker on suicide prevention.

He says he knows what the barrel of his gun tastes like.

He's been a warrior in his own battle with depression and thoughts of suicide.

As a speaker and trainer, he gives keynotes and workshops on suicide prevention and intervention to organizations and corporations.

He's been a TEDx speaker 12 times on the topic of mental health.

We're going to talk about how to recognize if someone is thinking about committing suicide and the most effective thing you must say to someone you believe might have suicide on their mind, as important what not to say to such a person.

And if you're wondering how a comedian can speak about depression and suicide, keep listening.

This show might literally help you save somebody's life.

Good morning, Frank.

Good morning, Daniel.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Tell me how you got into comedy.

That's your thing.

So my channel is about follow your dream, do what you want to do.

Yeah.

So tell me how did you get into comedy?

That's your thing that's your dream.

How did you get started in it?

Well, I'm in fourth grade, Daniel.

And I told my first joke.

The kids laughed, the teacher was hysterical.

She was laughing so hard she had to excuse herself to go to the teacher's lounge.

And I thought to myself, I'm going to be a comedian.

I'm nine years old.

Yeah.

Did you know you could make money or have a job making people laugh then?

Well, I was a fan of comedy.

I grew up with Cheech and Chong, Bill Cosby, Richard Pryor.

We bought the albums, the old vinyl, memorized them, performed them for each other.

Nothing funnier, I think, than a 10-year-old white child in the suburbs doing Richard Pryor bits.

I'm sure it was politically incorrect at the time.

But so, yeah, so at nine years old, I decided it was going to be a comic.

And then in high school, I took drama, three years of drama.

Never got a speaking part.

Always in the chorus.

And I thought, you know what?

Talent show is coming up.

If I do stand up, I can write, direct and produce my own little show every night.

So I did stand up.

First time anybody had ever done stand up at the Spring Senior Talent Show, 1975.

And I won.

Of course, I beat the accordion player and the folk dancer.

It's not a big, not tough victory, but still.

And I told my mama, I'm going to be a comedian.

I'm going to LA.

And she goes, you're going to college first.

I don't care what you do when you get done.

You can be a goat herder for all I care.

But you're going to be a goat herder with a college degree.

So I went to UNC Chapel Hill.

I got a good liberal arts education.

Nothing wrong with a good liberal arts education.

And then I went to work for an insurance company in Raleigh, North Carolina.

And just by chance, they transferred me to San Diego.

And in San Diego, there's a branch of the world famous comedy store, the one that's up on Sunset in LA.

It's still there to this day on Pearl Street.

Oh, what's it called?

Comedy store and it's in La Jolla, California.

Yep, still there to this day.

And I went to my first open mic night on April 1st, 84.

And halfway through my five minutes, I heard a voice inside my head that said, You're home.

Nice.

And my second thought was, I'm going to do this for a living.

I have no idea how.

I have threatened Daniel in the meantime to write a keynote called, What could you do if you didn't know no better?

Because I had no idea how hard it was to make a full time living doing stand up.

Fortunately, 18 months later, when I said to my girlfriend and my wife of 37 years, I'm going on the road to be a comic.

You want to come along for the ride?

Thinking she'd go, hell no.

She goes, yeah.

So we jumped in the car.

After giving up job and apartment, jobs and apartment, and we were on the road together for 2629 nights in a row, nonstop, seven years and change.

Comedy club to comedy club, beer bar to beer bar, pool hall to pool hall, drunk idiots screaming, tell us some jokes we can dance to.

So you're booking your own gigs?

Yep.

Back then, not that we're that old, you probably had to get out the phone book, and you couldn't go on the internet and go, okay, where's the next comedy club?

You really had to do your homework, your research, right?

Yes, there was no internet, there were no cell phones.

The way you made long-distance phone calls, you bought an AT&T phone card, punched in the code.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So.

Point with this is today, people spend their life in their bedroom, just online, making TikTok videos and doing stuff, thinking that's how I'll make it.

The benefit that then was you couldn't do that, you had to get on the road.

I'm either going out there, I'm doing something or I'm sitting at home, kind of looking at pictures and shows on the internet instead of actually on the highway, right?

And there were 30 some odd people at those open mic nights in La Jolla and San Diego.

And there were probably three of us who actually escaped gravity and launched and we weren't the funniest three by far.

We were just the three that were willing to pay the price.

Just keep going.

Get out and keep going, yeah.

And I spent a great deal of time staying booked.

I mean, it's what you do is you would, let's say you're on your way from point A to point B and in the middle, in Lubbock, Texas, there's a comedy club.

So you call them up and say, hey, can I do a guest spot?

Come passing through on Tuesday night.

And so you would go in and do a live audition in hopes of being booked to MC or be the feature act, middle act.

And then you work your way up to headliner from MC.

And then you would just stick around in that town until they called you back.

You did a show, time to go again.

Do you have to wait for the phone to ring?

No, we would do the show and keep going because I had another engagement.

I would follow up and if I did a good job, probably get a booking.

So that would be, you know, when I went out, I had 10 weeks booked on the road.

And I thought that was forever.

And it's only two and a half months.

Fortunately, the first gig I did, to get one of the one of the comics, it was in Washington DC, I think.

One of the comics booked another room in Washington.

So on week one, I booked week 11 and then week two, I booked week 12.

So I just kept going and growing.

And by the time I came off the road, I had a full year booked in advance.

Wow.

I just so happened to catch, there was a comedy wave that began in the early 80s and ran till the mid 90s where clubs were opening up, springing up like mushrooms.

And then by mid 90s, the boom was busting.

And I went to work at a radio station in my old hometown, Raleigh, as a co-host of a morning show.

So that allowed me to come off the road, bank a little money.

And then by the time I got fired, which you know, radio, the two kinds of people, people who have been fired, people are going to be fired.

By the time I got fired, my boss, who I'm still friends with, who fired me, said, well, you just go back on the road.

And I said, there is no road.

What I did was because I had a clean act, I thought, well, I'll do corporate comedy.

I'll do it after lunch at conventions and after dinner at conventions.

The rubber chicken circuit, they call it.

And so I did, I made the jump from the club to corporate.

And the difference is some people ask, what's the difference between a club comic and a corporate comic?

About $5,000 a night.

I was about to say money.

Yeah, money.

Some of my friends, my hardcore, purest, comic friends.

You sold out, you went corporate.

Yes, I'm a whore, but I'm a high priced whore.

So I rode that horse doing corporate comedy, nothing but jokes till 2007, end of 2007, best year I'd ever had.

Couple of hundred thousand dollars gross telling jokes.

Then the recession hit.

And the business dropped off about 80% overnight.

And we lost everything over the next two and a half years in a chapter seven bankruptcy.

And that's when I learned what the barrel of my gun tasted like, literally.

Spoiler alert, I did not pull the trigger.

A friend of mine came up recently after a keynote because I tell that story.

And he never heard me say, I didn't pull the trigger.

So he says, and I quote, hey man, how come you didn't pull the trigger?

I said, hey man, could you try to sound slightly less disappointed?

Thanks for the support.

Yes, exactly.

And that's where the comedy is in, I speak on mental health, suicide prevention.

That's where the comedy is.

Funny anecdotes like that.

Not jokes, but funny stories.

Nice.

And so when speaking, when the business came back, people started booking people again.

Meeting planners and speakers bureau said, Frank, look, the world has moved on.

We can't pay you five grand just to be funny.

You got to figure out some way to teach our audience something.

And I'd always wanted to do that, but I had no idea what I had to share that would be of any value.

And I got a book by a woman named Judy Carter called The Message of You, Turning Your Life into a Money-Making Speaking Career.

Judy's a friend.

She said, look, I'll send you a copy of the book, read it, you'll figure it out.

I went into the thing and I got nothing.

And halfway through, I thought, oh my God, I do have something to talk about.

Because of my two mental illnesses, my near suicide, my family, it runs in my family.

There were more nuts in my family, Daniel, than in a squirrel turd.

And so I thought if I could bring it in, in suicide prevention, you know, some sort of certificates, certification, I can keynote.

And I did.

And then my second hurdle was, I've been a comic for two and a half decades.

Who's going to believe I can do anything serious?

So my wife suggested to do a TEDx talk.

And I said, what's a TEDx talk?

And just by chance, I got an email that week from a TEDx event, you know, would you like to apply?

Sure.

So I applied and I got it.

And I did it on suicide prevention, which proved to everybody that I could do something serious, but, you know, with humor, some comic relief.

That was the beginning of my speaking.

I went from being a funny speaker to a speaker who's funny.

And that's what I've been doing since 2012, 13, 14, speaking.

I'm trying to wrap my head around the difference because a comedian really is also a speaker.

Either way, communicating with people, uplifting them, making their day.

There's a message.

Maybe, maybe what you're thinking is comedy is not, not something you take home and go, oh, remember that important takeaway, that learning objective is just entertainment.

Well, entertainment and 45 minutes of endorphins.

So there is value in the comedy.

I mean, you do uplift people.

They call it comic relief for a reason.

So, but I wanted to go beyond that.

I wanted to have a lasting impact.

And so that's where the learning objectives, what are you going to teach them?

What are you going to, what are the takeaways?

What's the call to action?

And my goal as a suicide Prevention Speaker is to save a life a day.

So teach them how to spot the signs and symptoms of depression and thoughts of suicide in themselves and others.

What to say and do, what not to say and do, how to find resources.

So I'm empowering them to save lives.

You don't have to be a mental health professional to save a life.

If you know what to listen and look for with depression and thoughts of suicide, you can step in and say, well, I'm driving.

The best police officer will say, you know how you prevent drunk driving?

You take someone's keys away when you see that it's drank too much.

That's the way.

It's the people out there living that make a difference and can prevent stuff.

And as a speaker, that's what I'm there's a guy named Donald Miller who wrote a book called Building a Story Brand.

And the basic premise is you empower others to, when you tell a story with your brand, and in my case, my brand is my story, I empower other people to save lives.

I say at some point in my keynote, the good news is 8 out of 10 people who are suicidal are ambivalent.

They can't make up their mind.

9 out of 10 give hints in the last week leading up to an attempt.

Which means, you can make a difference, you can save a life, and you can do it by doing something as simple as what we're doing right here.

And that is starting a conversation.

If you know how and before you leave this room, you will know how.

So I'm empowering them to save lives.

I'm not there saving lives, I'm empowering them to save lives.

And how do you notice if someone is potentially suicidal?

What are the signs?

Well, they talk about death and dying.

You catch them googling death, dying, or how to die by suicide.

They are getting their personal affairs in order, perhaps going around and seeing people.

Yeah.

And if they're giving away prized possession, that's a big one.

Because they want to make sure they go to the people.

They want them to go to.

If they're gathering the means, stockpiling medication, buying a firearm.

And here's a counter-intuitive one.

And it's very dangerous.

And I've met people whose loved ones have exhibited this behavior.

They've been depressed for a long time, and now they're happy for no apparent reason.

You're happy because they're happy, but they may be happy because they've chosen time, place and method, and they know the pain is about to come to an end.

Or they just have no worries anymore, like money.

I can spend all my money.

I don't need to save it.

My job, I could quit or I don't need to worry about it.

I can talk back to the boss, do whatever I want.

It's too bad people can't learn to live like that every day.

And so...

And stay alive.

And stay alive, yeah.

So the question comes up, well, let's say you've heard me speak, you realize a person that you're thinking about, let's say go with your gut.

If your gut tells you they're thinking about suicide, go with that.

And flat ask them, are you having thoughts of suicide?

Is there a better way to do that?

Because I was talking to the gas station attendant this morning, telling them you're going to be a guest on my podcast.

And I was really excited because this is a big topic.

And as he put it, it's a hard topic to talk about, right?

I'm like, yeah, that's why I have a comedian.

So this is going to be easier.

But what I told them was, to me, it seems the most difficult thing is a lot of people don't have good communication skills.

They're not a speaker.

They're not a comedian, a professional speaker.

I mean, you wrote for The Tonight Show, so you know how to write words.

Yep.

What's a sentence people can take home, memorize listening to this when they get that gut feel?

If nothing else, they remember these words to say to those people.

Are you feeling like committing suicide seems a little strong to me?

I personally, I'd have to get some gumption up to spit that out.

Is there is there a gentler way to say it?

Well, ideally, are you having thoughts of suicide?

OK.

But you could say, are you are you are you having thoughts about harming yourself?

That's a little less.

What you don't want to say is you're not going to do something stupid, are you?

That's that's not a lot of things come to mind with that.

Yeah, I was in a bar one time on a restaurant bar eating by myself, and there was a police officer eating by himself.

I'm just trying to be friendly, and I was trying to be funny.

Didn't work.

I said, I opened with, are you going to arrest somebody?

He must have been having a bad day.

He did not smile, he frowned, and he said, did you do something wrong?

Oh, never mind.

Just trying to be, you know, just never mind.

Sorry, you had a bad day.

I don't even know how to recover from this.

Maybe are you going to do something stupid?

Or are you going to do something stupid?

Yeah, I would avoid that.

I would just say, are you about to have harming yourself?

Or is there something along the lines of where you can work it in?

Are you coming?

They're thinking I'm not going to be alive tomorrow.

Are you still going to be alive tomorrow?

Would something happen to change that?

Is there an even more elegant way to put it?

Subtle or you really need to be?

Yeah, I think just I don't believe in dancing around it.

It's easy.

And I tell my audience, look, if you can't ask that question, find somebody you can.

If you can't find somebody, and I always give them my phone number, my cell number on the screen on PowerPoint.

OK, I go call me and I'll ask them.

And I tell them when I put my phone number up, look, if you're suicidal down 988, then do a three-digit number.

Just having a bad day, call it, call a crazy person, here's myself.

So this, this seems, it seems to me then, we see it all time, suicide Prevention Week and high school and, you know, in the news.

I've never heard it said that simple.

I've never heard anybody else ever say that to anybody.

Hey, you're thinking about committing suicide.

Maybe that should be, good morning.

You look unhappy.

You gave your stuff away yesterday.

Are you thinking of committing suicide with the big S?

The big S.

Yeah.

And, and that's the way to say as well, you know, I took a class and I on suicide prevention and they described the way somebody might behave leading up to a suicide.

And I've noticed a couple of things on that list that you've been, you know, I'm worried.

Are you, are you considering harming yourself?

And just in case, here's my phone number and yes, yes, call me.

Awesome.

Yeah.

And if they are, if they're honest, let's say they're honest.

And here's the thing.

There's a, an old wives' tale that, that you should never mention the word suicide in front of somebody who's depressed because it might give me an idea like it never crossed my mind.

The, the reverse is actually true.

If you, if you mention it out loud, they're, they're less likely to die by suicide.

The numbers are reversed.

Maybe they find, maybe the lights go on like, Oh, maybe somebody will notice.

Maybe I'm on the fence.

I don't have to pull the trigger.

There's hope.

It's almost like hope.

It's, he flipped it like you just said.

Yeah, because 8 out of 10 people are ambivalent.

They're not quite sure they want to do it.

So, but let's say they're honest.

Yes, I'm having thoughts of suicide.

What do you say?

Well, you say, do you have a plan?

And if you say, yes, I have a plan.

Well, what is your plan?

And if it's detailed time, place and method, that's when you need to do your best to get them to a mental health facility.

At the very least, get them on the phone, 988 to the suicide Prevention Lifeline.

Or texting, you could text in 988.

Younger people tend to be more forthcoming in text.

And if they don't have a plan, if they say no, I don't have a plan, then what?

Well, can you believe them?

You know, it's toss up.

I mean, if they don't have a plan, or let's say they have a plan, but it's not really detailed.

Yeah, I thought about it.

Work in progress.

Yes, I would say, okay, great.

Then tell me, are you going to kill yourself?

And if they said no, I would say, okay, well, tell me why not.

Make them give voice to whatever is keeping them here.

Because something, otherwise you wouldn't be having this conversation.

Something's keeping them here.

Children, parents, religion, something.

You'd be surprised how many people just talk into a stranger or somebody about anything like us.

Someone to talk to.

That right there is a blessing for a lot of people.

They're in isolation.

Just going downhill, just having anybody.

Because, well, tell me about your plan.

You know, or something like that.

Would that be helpful?

Yeah, tell me about your plan.

What's your plan?

And if it is detailed, a lot of people don't understand that the majority of people who die by suicide don't want to die.

They don't want to kill themselves.

They simply want to end the pain.

That's the only way they can figure out to make it stop.

Right.

If they can pull it out and figure it out.

Speaking of which, I know too many people, and I'm not being condescending or judgmental.

I'm comparing it to the person with asthma who can't breathe if someone's wearing perfume.

I don't have asthma, so I can't understand what it's like to gasp for air like I could die.

There's a significant amount of people, it seems to me, that just can't understand.

Of course they can't understand the pain.

They're not suffering.

But because they don't, they think it's as simple as pull your bootstraps up, work harder, brush it off.

They just can't get it.

What would you say to those people to maybe help them understand, and not just be so, how dare you, but more helpful?

Because how dare you?

I don't think it's too late.

That's just no, but I have part of my part of my speaking, my training is, what do you say to somebody who you think is depressed?

Here's what you don't say.

Pull yourself up by your bootstraps, turn that frown upside down.

My personal favorite.

You tried fish oil.

At which point I go from suicidal to hot.

That's probably really been said too.

That's what's so crazy.

I've heard it.

Have you take more vitamins?

Could you get to bed earlier?

Not watch as much TV.

Exercise.

Exactly.

Go for a walk.

No, but what you do say is, I'm here for you and I mean it.

I know you're not lazy, crazy or self-absorbed.

I know that depression is a mental illness.

But here's the good news, with time and treatment, things will get better.

And I'll take the time, I'll help you get the treatment.

And then you have to ask them about, are you having thoughts of suicide?

Are you considering harming yourself?

That's the progression in the protocol.

At work, where a lot of people aren't, they don't know each other so well.

Let's say there's a lot of people in your office.

What are some of the signs, the risk factors and signs?

And as we're talking about the ways you talk to people and intervene at work, that's appropriate.

Well, let's say one of the top three signs for me of depression, not an exhaustive list, but just my top three.

One is they have trouble getting out of bed in the morning, so they're often late for work or school.

But they tend to rally in the afternoon, almost like a different person.

Two, they have trouble, they eat too much or can't eat, they sleep too much or they can't sleep.

And the third one, you can actually observe visually.

They used to be pretty well put together, and the last couple of days, hair dirty, clothes aren't quite so clean, it may be because they're having trouble getting out of bed in the morning, simply to take a shower and run a little watch.

And this is at work?

Yes, this is at work.

You know, they're late, they're a little unkempt.

Could it be the opposite, as we said, where you get really happy or a little less stressed before you end your life?

Yeah, could be.

They go into work and all of a sudden, there's such a happy face, you go, did you win the lottery?

Did you get in your car?

Like, what is going on?

If it's, no, it's just the same old day.

I'm like, it's a little fishy.

Yeah.

I mean, if one day they're depressed, the next day is a zippity doo da zippity.

Yeah.

What happened to you?

Yeah.

They may have chosen time, place and method.

And they, you know, I mean, I've had people tell me that the young woman showed up for work.

You know, I think it was her best day in a long time.

And then the next day she's gone.

Best day, because the pressure was off.

Like I said, you know, I don't have a job.

I don't have to please anybody.

I don't have to, you know.

And it could be for people listening, you only get one day, one shot at intervention.

Because you might be thinking, well, you know, if tomorrow she comes in again, happy, I'll remember what Daniel and Frank said on the show and ask her, you know, are you thinking about committing suicide?

But then she doesn't come in the next day.

And how horrid would that be to live with?

Yes, it would be a survivor's guilt.

I did a show one time.

And what I do is I tell the audience, look, we'll do some Q&A, general Q&A, and then when we're done, if you have a question you want to ask or a story you want to share, that you don't want to share with everybody, I'll hang out an extra 30-45 minutes and take them individually.

And almost always there's somebody, sometimes 10 somebodies.

And this young man had been depressed and suicidal.

And he had gone into HR and spoken to the HR, the human resources person.

And they simply said, you need to get over it.

Nice.

HR too, of all people.

Of all people.

That's supposed to be the place you go when you know you can't trust your boss or the company.

It can help you on your side, in between, intermediate.

And they've got the EAP binder, the employee assistance program, has the mental health benefits in it.

Anyway, so that didn't help.

So he had already determined there were two cars in the parking lot.

In both cars, he knew there was a gun in each glove compartment.

They both were unlocked.

So he had a plan.

He was going to go out at lunch, get into one of those cars, and take out the gun from the glove compartment and end his life.

So he was on his way to the parking lot.

You know, out of the building, going down the hall, and another employee passed him and said the, you know, the usual, hey, how you doing?

Eh, fine.

And the other employee stopped in his tracks and thought, he's not fine.

Something is really wrong.

Caught up with the guy and said, no, I don't believe everything is fine.

I think somebody's, no, no, no, come to my office.

So they went into his office, closed the door, and the guy just melted in his office.

I'm, I'm, I'm depressed.

I'm suicidal.

I was headed to the parking lot.

And so the young man that was, had noticed, said, well, you, I'll get my car and we will go.

There was a mental health facility not far away.

And he checked himself into the mental health facility for a voluntary three day stay.

And then did some voluntary outpatient after that.

But that's what saved his life was, like I said, the guy walked by him and thought, no, something is wrong and didn't wait.

You know, maybe it was so bad tomorrow, I'll ask him.

So yeah, I think-

Hats off to whoever that was out there.

Yeah, saved his life.

Yeah, and-

It's almost like a heart attack, recognizing the symptoms of a heart attack.

People do this at work all the time.

I know people who have saved co-workers lives.

Hey, they were sweating, they were pale.

I took them to the hospital.

I go, hey, are you okay?

No, okay, let's go to the hospital.

You look like you might be having a heart attack.

Well, and there's something called QPR, question, persuade, refer.

And it's the protocol that I've taught you about.

How do you spot the signs of symptoms?

What do you say?

What don't you say?

And the guy who created it, psychologist, he wants it to be as common as people knowing CPR for that reason.

Because the sooner you intervene in a situation with a heart attack, the better the outcome.

And the sooner you can spot the signs of depression, the signs of suicide and act on it, and then turn them over to a professional.

As you know, the paramedics aren't going to do open heart surgery.

They're just going to get them stable and move them to the hospital where the cardiac surgeon can do that.

So with mental illness, you just want to get them stable and keep them alive until you can get them to a facility where there are professionals who can handle the mental health price.

Yeah, so it's, he'd like to be, I think San Francisco has the largest number of people who are trained in CPR, like one in four people.

They're going to have a heart attack having to have in the Bay Area.

He would like QPR to be as widespread so that people are constantly watching, looking, listening, hearing.

I'll put that in the show notes, QPR.

So it seems like there's a lot of veterans, military veterans, probably people also in the military.

Are the signs different for those people?

Are the intervention strategies different?

That kind of thing, a veteran or someone in the military?

Well, veterans, the research I've seen is, it's not the number one factor in suicidality for veterans, is not service in a war zone, you know, where they were seeing people being blown up and whatever.

The number one factor is separating from the military.

When they leave the military behind, in the military, there's a certain amount of camaraderie, and you know, you have a relatively tight unit of people, everybody's watching your back, you're watching theirs.

When you get on the civilian world, there's nobody watching your back.

There's no, there's not that unit cohesion, there's not that sense of belonging.

Men tend to identify by their or with their jobs.

They are whatever the job was.

You know, I was such a specialist in the military.

And when you leave that job, it's like a professional athlete who blows out a knee.

You know, but they've been a football player since they were in Pop Warner, and now they're no longer a football player.

Who are they?

And if you've been shooting people, you're the gunner in the helicopter, there's not a lot of transferable skills.

Like you did Frank in comedy, like, okay, now I can do commercial, now I can teach people to do TEDx, I can apply that skill somewhere else and still be who I am as a comedian.

You can't be a gunner in the military unless you're maybe a private detective or in private security or something.

You're losing who your identity is.

I had a friend who had been in Vietnam, he was special forces.

And he was one of those guys who would stand in the bush, you know, next to a tree covered up in green, you know, paint, so he's in camouflage, and would wait for one certain Viet Cong leader to come along to assassinate him, to kill him.

And he said, Frank, you know, there's not a lot of call for that in the civilian world.

It's on the street corner with the gun.

So what are the signs?

How do you tell if they're thinking of suicide and intervention?

Is that the same as for everything?

Yeah, same, same.

Last year, I spoke on three different military bases.

And Fort Irwin in California was the first one.

It's just outside of Bakersfield.

And they had done a survey, anonymous survey of the soldiers on the base.

And 30%, 30% had mentioned thoughts of suicide.

So they thought, we got to get somebody in here.

And they, you know, every year, they have a professional psychologist, somebody come in and talk.

They never had somebody who had actually put a gun in his mouth, much less a comedian who did that.

So that's why they hired me.

They thought, you know, this is much more relatable to these people.

Yeah, definitely.

Couple of months after I was there, we did it in October, April, I got a DM from the base psychologist.

He said, Frank, I think you saved the life today.

Nice.

He said, yeah, soldiers showed up in my office and said, I'm depressed and I'm suicidal and I'm here because Frank King said, I had to tell somebody.

There you go.

There's another tagline.

Frank told me to tell you.

Frank, what are you trying to tell me?

Yeah.

So the, you know, the military, the protocol is basically the same.

The things you say are basically the same.

It's just the causes are a little different with veterans.

Oftentimes it is, you know, they've separated from the military active duty.

One of the reasons active duty can be dangerous, depending on who's leading the base, who's on charge.

If you come forward and you say, I'm depressed, I need medication, that could be career limiting in the military.

You may lose your security clearance.

You may not get the promotion you were hoping for.

You're not going to take that risk.

I wouldn't risk that.

Yeah, exactly.

I'd hold it in my head.

I wouldn't show that card.

So after the last, I did several keynotes that morning in Fort Irwin.

During the last one, we do Q&A and a soldier raised his hand.

He said, do you think the army is doing enough for mental health?

I said, well, I can't speak for the army.

I can speak for Fort Irwin, because that's why I'm here.

And I didn't know the general who ran the place was standing right behind me.

And he had a microphone.

I have a microphone, he's got a microphone.

And so I said to the soldier, not knowing the general was there, I said, here's the deal, soldier.

Fort Irwin gives a shit.

I turn and I, because he stepped up next to me.

And nowadays the insignia is right here on the chest.

One star.

They don't put it on the shoulder boards because you know, the enemy can see that.

Yes, they put this one star right here.

And I looked at him and I looked back at the audience and said, anybody besides me, just poop your pants.

And the general to his credit stepped up and said, yes, soldier, Fort Irwin gives a shit.

That's why Frank King is here.

So in an atmosphere like that, this young soldier felt comfortable going to the base psychologist and saying, look, I need help.

In what?

What is the treatment besides medication?

Everyone knows you can take drugs.

Yeah, I do a little bit.

What's the treatment for say the soldiers where it's a veteran and now he's in society, he doesn't have his team, his family.

It seems to me you'd have to give him a family or make him feel more camaraderie to really get a solution focused treatment plan.

What do they do for, and people in general, what's the, what is besides medication?

What are some of the treatments that?

Well, for soldiers, soldiers, for soldiers, there are a number of groups you can, you know, you can join.

Peer, you know, peer groups.

Yep, yep.

There are, like up here in Portland, there's a suicide Prevention Lifeline, but they've also got one that is strictly staffed by veterans so that somebody in the military can call that, that suicide Prevention Lifeline and speak openly to another veteran about what they're going through, and it's all confidential.

So it's not going to get back to anybody on base.

And I think everybody, and this is what, this is my takeaway when I do a speech, everybody should have a self care plan.

You should have something, you know, that you do every day to keep yourself mentally healthy.

So you're not just work in the grind, going to work, going to school, like, you have something to look forward to.

Yeah.

A hobby, I think everybody should have a hobby or a vocation that has nothing to do with their vocation, what they do for a living.

I speak for a living.

And so my hobby is bodybuilding, believe it or not.

I'm going to do my fifth round test at age 67.

And it's completely different from speaking because I can go to the gym, lift weights, flex, do whatever I'm doing, never speak to a soul.

On stage of the contest, I don't say anything.

I just strike a pose.

And I think mine is this, diet.

I'm on the keto diet.

I do intermittent fasting, exercise every day, good night's sleep.

People discount how important a good night's sleep is for your mental health.

Medication, a little bit of medication, and meditation.

That's my five.

Nice.

And the connection between all five, the through line is, it's all things I can control.

What I eat, my diet, how much I sleep, meditation, so forth.

And I believe, and I learned this from one of my clients, who's in mental health, speaks on mental health.

There should be one non-negotiable in your self-care plan.

One thing you do every day regardless of whatever else you do that day.

In his case, he journals every day.

That's his non-negotiable.

In my case, it's going to the gym every morning.

That's my non-negotiable.

Regardless of what else I do that day, first thing I do in the morning is out, out the door, into the gym before I do anything else.

Nice.

That's one of the themes of my channel, is do the thing you want to do.

And I don't know how to express that any more simpler.

Are you considering suicide?

Do the thing you wanna do, which is if I go to the gym, like you said, it's non-negotiable.

For me, that was climbing.

I've countless stories where this is before they had to track down with the technology so much.

Where's Danny?

He hasn't come back from lunch.

I went climbing.

I didn't tell anybody.

I had a work schedule where I was in and out of the office and at different buildings, different sites, different towns even.

So if I was in another town without telling somebody, I'm not suggesting you get in trouble at work for doing stuff like this.

But I am if it's going to save your life, especially if you go, yeah boss, I love running and I was late to work this morning because I felt I had to get out and actually run 13 miles instead of two miles.

And now I'm feeling better.

I'm at work and so forth.

So I think that's really important.

Do the one thing you want to do.

And as Frank said, it's got to be your priority and non-negotiable.

I like that word, non-negotiable.

Yeah, because I know if I don't go first thing in the morning, I can think, if I have time to think about, I can rationalize not going at all.

Oh, well, you know, it's late in the afternoon.

Oh yeah.

This morning up early, within 45 minutes, I was out the door and head to the gym.

Just like practicing the guitar.

Another one of the things I do is I write songs.

I'm in bands.

In comedy, you know, too, you probably have to exercise that skill, tell jokes, do a routine like you wrote a song.

And if you don't, you lose it.

It takes discipline sometimes.

But going to the gym, I'm sure there are days, my god, I was a late night watching Netflix with my partner.

I could skip the gym today.

No, that's my non-negotiable.

That's why I'm alive.

Yeah, and I've gone after a long day where I didn't get to bed early.

And I go to the gym and I think to myself, so tired.

Okay.

So I have a 30-minute guided meditation slash nap.

It's called the Catnapper.

It takes you down and then brings you back up to the other end and refresh.

So I'll throw the seat back rather than go home or not go.

When I get to the gym, I throw the seat back.

I do the Catnapper CD or some MP3.

When it's done, I'm up out of the car and in the gym.

Here's the thing, mental health technique.

It's called gamification.

You make a game out of it.

So the gamification for me in the gym is this, because it's 25 minutes away.

A game is this.

If I get to the gym all dressed out, and all I want to do is one rep of one exercise, I can do that.

I can turn around and go home.

Never done that.

But it's what gets me there, knowing that, you know what?

I can do one curl, get back in the car and go home, take the pressure off.

I'm normally there an hour and a half once I'm there.

I do that with my guitar playing.

I try to play at least five songs a day.

People are like, why five?

Three seems a little short, and that's the point is I'm doing it.

Now I could play 10 or 20 if I had more time or felt like it.

I'm going to guess by the time you drove 25 minutes, and you get in there to do the first rep, you're probably starting to feel a little better.

You're like, I don't know, drive home all the way.

Now, because it's your thing, it's what you like to do anyhow, right?

Yeah.

I see improvement, not every day, but over time.

I'm preparing for the contest coming up a week from Saturday.

I've been working dieting and exercising for a year for this contest.

Wow.

I hope you win.

Yeah, I hope.

That's my goal.

My goal is to place this year, not finish last, but next year to win and go pro.

Because there's a pro card, you get a professional card.

If you win, you win a particular category.

But yeah, it's just, you know, it's something that's completely unlike anything else I do.

And it's, you know, it's good for you.

I mean, it's, it's, it keeps you alive.

And it's quality of life.

When you're in better shape, you feel better.

Yeah, and I'm not so scared of dying as I am disability.

Right.

So I'd like to stay in as good a shape as I possibly can, as long as I can, so I can continue.

And one of the guys I'm competing against in 10 days, Harold, Harold is 80 this year.

And he's out there, he's out there in his little bikini panties with me flexing with his fake tan like mine.

And every year he's beat me four years in a row.

And so every year I say to him when we're wrapping up Harold, got to live another year, man.

I want to rematch.

It's not like boxing where there's a weight category, there's an age category or something else.

How's this even?

Well, there are, there are, there's age categories.

In this case, 60 plus.

And then, but there are also, there's heavy weight bodybuilding and then, you know, middle weight and lightweight bodybuilding.

So in those categories, they do judge you by size, weight.

But there's so few people in 60 plus, even 50.

Yeah, it's just come one, come all.

Plus, he's a good character to have a goal.

I have to be able to beat that guy.

This morning, exercising my comedy muscle, I was thinking about bodybuilding, because you're not really competing.

I'm not really competing against Harold.

I'm competing against myself.

And really, I'm competing against Father Time.

And I thought to myself, that would be the joke I told.

Yeah, I'm really competing against Father Time.

And son of a bitch, he showed up to compete.

Because he looks like...

Clock around him or dressed in a time suit.

The old guy at the...

Yeah, Father Time showed up to compete.

Tell me about your book.

Actually, there are four of them.

They...

I got a call from two women, a psychologist and a therapist, and they wanted to write a book on men's mental health because there was no specific book they could find on men's mental health.

And they said, would you...

We're going to make it look like an automobile owner's manual, so maybe guys will pick it up.

Would you make it funny and write the automobile metaphors?

And I said, wait a minute.

You two women are writing a book on men's mental health.

Don't you think you might need a co-author who is...

Hmm, I don't know.

Man?

Man!

So I said, look, I'll do the metaphors.

I'll add the humor if I'm a co-author, and if I can record the books, voice them for audible.

And they said, great, you're in.

So they were hoping to get 12 guys to be honest about their struggles, whether it was alcoholism or bankruptcy and divorce or suicide, depression.

Figuring maybe they get 12 guys to come out and talk about, because the guy's kind of tight lipped generally.

Well, I ended up with 60 guys.

So one book became four books, because each one has 12 guys, 12 stories and how they're coping with whatever challenge they're having.

The idea being that men tend to take advice from men.

So if a story about a man, a guy sees himself, sees his problem, the guy he's reading about, and the guy he's reading about is coping in this way, maybe he'll adopt the coping skills because another guy did it.

That's how we got the four books, Guts, Grit and the Grind, Mental Mechanics Manual.

It's interesting how many men wanted to talk all of a sudden, because normally I think men are, they hold it in, they don't want to talk about their problems.

Yes, toxic masculinity, which is one of the reasons that right now, 8 out of 10 people who die in the US of suicide are men.

On average, 8 out of 10 are men, because they tend not to seek help.

They don't talk as well.

No.

They're probably supposed to be tough.

So...

Yes, and there are certain cultures where they're very similar, in that African-American, Native American, Alaskan Americans, they tend not, culturally, tend not to come out to their friends and family if they're struggling this way.

You know, silence kills.

They're gone before anybody knew, because they just don't want to talk about it.

It's not culturally appropriate.

And nobody recognized the symptom the day that they had it, where they're suddenly happy or giving all their stuff away, or weren't as tough, maybe.

Maybe, hey, how's your day?

Good morning.

Usually, you just stare at me real mean, like, and never say a word.

You know, you're just a tough guy, like, you know, don't want to open up.

Why are you being so friendly today?

Exactly.

Why are you so happy?

Trying to give me, do you want my surfboard or my extra guitar?

Hmm, something's up here.

That guy never lets me play his guitar or his ride his surfboard, right?

Well, and I did a show for Dennis one time, presentation.

And months later, I got a call from one of the guys who was there.

And he said, Frank, I got to tell you a funny story.

My wife and I are downsizing from a, like, three story, 5,000 square foot house to a ranch style 1,300 square feet.

And so at all this stuff.

And so I thought, well, you know, let me just, I'll put it on the Facebook marketplace or whatever.

Somebody, somebody, I'll just give away.

So another Venice who had been at the function and heard me say, giving away prized possessions, all of a sudden his buddies, you know, favorite golf clubs and all this stuff that he knew the guy really liked was for free on Facebook.

So he called him up, dude, are you having thoughts of suicide?

Because why would you ask?

You're giving away prized possessions on Facebook marketplace.

Because now we're downsizing, we're cutting our square footage by two thirds.

It's just, I need to get rid of that.

Oh, thank God.

But the guy who was giving away said, thanks for noticing and calling.

It's a good story just told because another of my podcast, I'm going to have on the topic of minimalism.

It's a friend.

Yeah, I asked him, what are you guys interested in hearing about?

Like, I can't even say the word.

You know, they give their stuff away so they can travel, live in a van, or just have a simpler life at home, and not live out of their car.

But so just having someone give all their stuff away by itself doesn't mean they're suicidal.

But it's always probably safer to ask somebody like he did.

When in doubt, ask.

When in doubt, ask, right?

Yeah, because you want to wake up next morning and think, oh man, I should have asked.

Yeah.

And that happens a lot.

You know, I was going to have a beer with him that evening, but I had to pick up the kids from softball practice, and just didn't, I just couldn't make it.

I figured, well, we'll do it next week, and gone.

And it's only a couple of words, only takes 10 seconds or less.

You don't have to wait.

You know what?

Tomorrow, I'll plan.

When he comes in the office, I'll go up with him with a cup of coffee, try to talk to him.

Yeah, tomorrow might not come.

Do it now.

Just a few words.

You can still have coffee tomorrow.

You can still meet tomorrow.

Still check on it tomorrow.

But before, whenever you get the gut feel, Frank, when you said the gut feel, put those words out.

And you have to say the S word, right?

suicide Prevention.

Well, there's a company I work for.

They make fire hydrants.

Most fire hydrants in this country came from this company.

Come from this company.

And it was their safety day.

Every year they have a safety day, and they decided, okay, for safety day, mental health.

And there were two shifts, and I spoke to both shifts of the manufacturing people.

And they had changed the company policy around mental health.

The new policy was, if somebody asks you, are you depressed?

The first thing out of your mouth has to be, thank you for asking.

So you're not getting harshed on immediately for, and then if they say, no, I'm not depressed, we just got a new baby, hadn't slept in a couple of nights, I haven't slept.

Okay, checking in, just making sure.

And after I left, by the way, they had two nurses on staff at this manufacturing plant.

And they contacted me and said, Frank, we had a half a dozen people come in here who were struggling with mental challenges.

We had no idea until you spoke and said, you got to tell somebody.

And also by saying, thank you for asking, you're supporting that person because they went out on a limb.

And even if you're not, by acknowledging that, it's kind of like saying, thank you.

If you don't, next time, they might be like, oh, maybe I shouldn't from now on say that because I didn't get the great response.

People took it sensitively.

And then that shuts down the same person that's trying to make a difference.

Thank you for asking.

It's kind of like, are you having a good day?

Thank you for asking.

No, it's horrible.

My wife left me, my dog died, whatever.

But thanks for asking.

Okay, one last thing.

So I see the big TEDx behind you.

I love the idea that you're finding innovative ways to work yourself into having a service of business that uses who you are as a comedian.

So tell me about your TEDx.

You coach people, speakers, or just professionals in business or personal, people that want to speak on a topic.

You coach them how to get a TEDx talk, because it's not easy to be a TEDx speaker.

They put you through the ring.

So tell me about that coaching that you do.

Yes.

Well, I've got 12 TEDx talks now, all on mental health, one aspect or another.

And when I hit three, I think, other speakers started calling me and saying, man, can you help me get a TEDx?

And no, sure, I'd be happy to.

So after a while, a friend of mine, a business coach, heard about that.

And she called me up and she goes, Frank, I get the feeling you're teaching people how to get a TEDx and you're not charging anything.

And this is a quote, that shit's got to stop.

So I built a website and started coaching people on how to land and leverage a TEDx.

And then I realized, well, TEDx is great, but doesn't put money in the bank.

You need to know how to leverage that to build your brand, raise your fees, get speaking gigs.

So I have another program.

There's TEDx Launchpad.

That's to get a TEDx.

And another program called Six Figure Speaker.

How do you make money speaking on cruises, at colleges, for corporations and associations?

So it's one program under the roof of a speaker accelerator we came up with.

So that's what I do.

I can either do it live one hour a week on Zoom 101, or I've got an online course where you get self-paced, plus there's a platform where we meet three times a week group coaching session.

So there's a live element, but an online course you can do at your own pace.

Also credibility, because you've done it.

And what I appreciate is, it seems to me, there's a lot of TEDx coaches on the internet who have never spoken at TEDx.

Or they did once, and you didn't even try to make a business out of it.

You were helping people and it was someone else like, hey, you got it, you know, you should charge for this.

So when you have that kind of authenticity behind it, as well as the brand and the experience and the know-how.

Yep.

Somebody said to me, why 12?

I go, well, you know, it's a bit of an addiction, must admit.

Number 13 schedule for early next year.

I said, but here's the thing.

When somebody calls up about TEDx coaching and they say, what qualifies you to coach TEDx?

And I say, I have a dozen.

And they mean, they go, you mean like 12, like a dozen?

That's a lot.

That is a lot.

Yeah, 12, like a dozen.

That's it.

They all on suicide prevention and topics like that.

Mental health, mental illness, suicide prevention, depression.

My favorite one was mental health and the orgasm, treat your depression single-handedly.

There's some humor.

Yeah.

And the tagline is, I love my iPhone, but it's my second favorite hand held device.

And I didn't have to audition for that one.

When they heard the title of subtitle and tagline, they said, no, you don't have to audition, man.

Just come over here and do that.

People are looking for comedy.

Yeah.

Looking for, what did you say earlier?

The endorphins, the release, stress relief, especially at a TED event, where there's going to be a lot of serious topics that are hard to wrap your head around.

You need some intervention.

And at the same time, a really useful serious topic as well.

So go figure, you didn't see that coming, right?

You're also, oh, I actually learned how to save a life, too, while I was doing the thing at the same time.

And my first one, my first joke in my first TEDx was, I went to TED and looked at how the people, other people handled the topic of suicide.

Figuring, you know, they're probably three dozen, four dozen talks on suicide.

And I get there and there's three, just three talks on suicide.

And I said to the audience, and then it hit me, well, duh, if you're really good at suicide, you're not going to be recording a TEDx talk.

And they, it's sort of nervous laughter.

Now they realize this is going to be a little bit different.

It's a tough topic without a little comic relief to make the, you know, make it go down easier.

Yes.

Well, thanks Frank for being with me this morning.

It's been great.

Daniel, my pleasure.

Thanks for having me.

This is, you know, one of the ways I spread the word is by doing podcasts.

It might be one of the few, I hope there's more, but it seems like this is a podcast that literally could save somebody's life.

It's your life.

I'm listening.

If somebody realizing, wait a minute, I didn't I didn't know people talked about that out loud, much less on a pod.

Yeah.

Wish me future success, Frank.

I may even follow up with you on your TED Talk.

Bear in mind, somebody forced me to charge for it.

So sorry.

Hey, what's the way with that?

Uh, yes.

Some people who have issues about charging money.

I know I have in my business system, like people would do the same thing.

Like you won't, I can't call you if you don't charge me because you can't do this unless you charge me.

Yeah, another show.

Yep, no, I might just.

Yeah, people are going to charge.

I tell them, you know, appreciate what you do, Frank.

All the way around.

Well, thank you, Dan.

Maybe we saved life today.

We're going to save some lives today with this show.

Have a good day.